Today I wrote a letter to a very special person in my life. A role model. I wrote to him to make sure he knew how much I appreciated him in my life..for the second time. I wrote him for a second time because the first time I tried to write him, I failed. Weird, right? Well I guess that’s just how I am. It’s hard for me to transfer what I think and feel about people into words. I am bad at communicating, and expressing what I feel, and it takes a special situation for me to express my emotions. It’s a huge fault in my life, and I really don’t understand it. It’s kind of funny, though, because I don’t really feel any certain way about it. In fact, I’m pretty content/indifferent to it, because it’s the way that I have been my whole life.
When I look at the people who surround me, however, I see the grand difference between me and them. I am going to use code names so that people don’t catch on! (Lol even though at this point I am the only one who knows about this blog anyways, but whatever!) My friend Cricklestone, for example, is amazing at listening and responding..no matter what the situation, cost, etc. This is something Cricklestone has been gifted with. Crick is so quick to drop things that she is doing and pay attention..and on top of that can respond sincerely without blinking. For me, however, being such a person can be a little bit difficult. Now, I’m not saying that I am incapable of being sensitive or a good friend, but what I am saying is that sometimes it is hard for be to make everything mesh when the time comes for me to talk to a friend that is going through something. Sometimes, I can get one element or the other, but it is hard for me to master them all in certain situations. The good news? I think I am kind of starting to figure myself out. ..
Yesterday, the same friend who is always there for me, Crick, came to me stressed as ever. Crick vented to me about an organization that she was involved in, and let me know how crazy it was driving her that she had to do so much for it, and not anyone to help. On top of that, Crick has a trip to prepare for, a difficult friendship to nurture, school work, and pressure to stay in the honors program.. plus probably a million other things that she did not share with me. At the time, I quickly advised Crick telling her how much she had going for her on in spite of if she were able to maintain her honors program status or not. Though I meant every word, looking back on it now I realize that I probably should have handled the situation differently. The honors program is something that is important to Crick and to her family. She has always been a good student and always will be. The problem? Though I advised Crick and let her know everything she has going for her, I failed to tell her how much I believe in her. Crick has so much going on. She is busy beyond imagination, juggles millions of whole hearted friendships, manages to have time for her family, friends, clubs, and school work. Last year, she went through so many hard things, and in spite of everything, she still came out on top. What I failed to do that day when she came to me with all of these things weighing on her mind, was show her completely how I see her as a person. Through my eyes, Crick has the potential, strength, determination, and pride enough to take on the world. I think if she had to be superwoman, the empress of the world, a top secret agent, and a housewife, she could do it all at the same time and still be able to be as amazing of a friend as she is today. I know right now that that is hard for Crick to see at the moment, but I know that her organization skills, ability to handle relationships on such a mature and responsible level, and her dedication to her school work and studies will surface in the moment she least expects it, cause that is just the kind of person she is. With all of that being said I know that, as I told Crick yesterday, everything with turn out fine for her..honors program or not. Nevertheless, it is important for me that she knows that I believe in her, not only because of the amazing person that she is, but also because I have seen her do it before. Because I know, that in spite of everything, the person she is striving to be takes time to develop. That without challenges, we do not grow. Hang in there Crick..everything you are working for is in reach...ya just gotta keep reachin! :).
